Is you is or is you ain't?

I am feeling a little sad after a lunch conversation I had with a good friend today. She was sharing some of her experiences and it brought out some of my own feelings that I had buried deep down. I could write about the injustices that I have been dealt and I did start to write about all that but after I wrote it I realized I was showing a lack of faith so I erased it all and decided to start over. It should not matter to me what people think about me or how they treat me. What should matter is that I hold my head up high and let them deal with the consequences of their own decisions. There is no reason to fret. I need to remember that we are human and we all have weaknesses. Even though I cannot change the way people think or act I just have to have faith that if they are basing decisions on their own will and not the Lord's that they will answer for that. I will answer for my actions. Do I follow and sustain my leaders or do I not? Sometimes I don't think things are fair but maybe I just don't have the right perspective, understanding or testimony yet.

The Balloon

Taygan loves balloons. We were going to get her a whole bunch at her birthday but no stores around here had helium still. Now the helium shortage is over so Tony bought her one a couple days ago. Just Tony and Taygan went into the store while the rest of us stayed in the van. Taygan comes out holding a huge Minnie Mouse balloon. I think Tony said it cost him $10. Whoa! While we were on our way home the string came loose. The boys were really worried because we do not have luck with helium balloons. I said that everybody needed to stay in the van when we got home and I would make sure the balloon made it into the house. After we park I get out and get the balloon. I open the sliding glass door to step in and the balloon tears away from the tag and floats away. I say, "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!! Tony is like, "What happened?" I tell him and this is when he tells me how much it cost. Taygan still isn't out of the van yet. She gets out and I'm already crying. She asks Tony where her balloon is and he tells her to ask me. She sees me crying and she starts crying and I have to tell her I lost it. We go sit on the couch and I start getting her ready for bed while I'm telling her how sorry I am. All the boys are sitting on the couch silent not knowing what to do to help. I take off her shoes and then I take off her tights. He underwear gets caught with the tights and ends up around her knees. Taygan says, "What?" We all start laughing with tears still in our eyes. The ice was broken and the boys begin to bring out toys and treats to make her feel better. It was a fine moment for the Bullocks. We went from tragedy to laughter within five minutes.

Back at the Gym

I signed up for some classes at the gym. I'm in something called Xfit and another called cardio blast. I do xfit Monday Wednesday and Friday and cardio blast Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is my first week doing it and I'm good and sore. I'm doing good with the weight training and core strengthening but the cardio is killing me. I just can't breathe and my chest gets all full of phlegm and I cough like crazy. I don't know if I'm pushing myself too hard because it's been two years since I've worked out. Nobody else seems to have any problems and I'm the only one who's breathing like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy. I hope things get better because I really want to fit back into non maternity clothes again someday.

My Clenched Fisted Little Girl

Last week Taygan just got a toy from the store and was holding it at home when she let out a little scream. She cried and said she got poked by a needle. I couldn't see anything on her hand. She decided to clench her hands to protect herself. She kept her fists like that the remainder of the afternoon. Tony asked about it that evening and I explained. At this point I still did't know what had happened but when I looked again I could see the bee sting. So it all made sense. Taygan is still clenching her fists afraid to open her hands. It's amazing what she can do with little stubs for hands. She has completely adjusted to not having fingers anymore. It cracks me up but I'm also worried about her at the same time. I open her hands for her a couple times a day to make sure everything is still working and now I'm trying to have her open them herself from time to time. Any suggestions of how to help my terrified little girl who is too afraid to use her hands anymore?

Relax

Today while my kids were enjoying a cartoon I decided to hop in the shower. I turned the water on as hot as it would get and just enjoyed the quiet. While I was at my most relaxed I pictured a woman in a third world country splashing freezing cold filthy water on herself at a river with dozens of others around doing the same. Boys would be urinating upstream, babies would be crying because it was so cold and I realized this woman would never enjoy a hot shower in her life. I felt so guilty I turned the water off and got out. Hot showers truly are one of my favorite things and I'm very happy I live in a time and country where it's a possbility and I'll try not to take it for granted anymore.

Am I the only person who has a hard time proving I'm not a robot? I have to try three or four times. They make those word verifications too difficult. While I'm ranting, why can't I do spell check on here anymore?

Long Time No See

I just noticed I haven't written a blog enrty at all this year. It's true that not much exciting has happened but I need to write about something, even if it's totally lame. So here is my day today. 7am woke up to get kids ready for school. Wednesdays we get to sleep in a half hour because the teachers have a morning meeting. For some reason 7 feels hours later than 6:30 so I love Wednesdays. 8 am got them on bus. chilled with the girls then got ready 9 am left to pick up missionaries with Tony. Picked them up and traveled to Bluffton. I think they were bummed Tony brought the wifey and some kids but I really wanted to go along. 10 am exchanged missionaries and talked them into going to Berne. Saw the Glockenspiel but couldn't wait till noon for it to do its thing. 11 am Ate at Coco's Chinese buffet back in Bluffton. It was pretty good. 12ish dropped elders off. Headed home. Hung around the house until the boys got home at 2:30. Did homework, watched Pocohontas, ate some reward chocolate and ate dinner. Got ready for scouts. They had to be in complete Class A uniforms for an inspection. 7 pm Watched the boys get inspected, asked some questions, learned something, and then walked around the church. Got stopped by the young women who wanted my help with a song they've been practicing. I was in yw and got released about a month ago. The alto section missed my voice and wanted my help. We decided since I was in there when they started practicing that song I should be able to perform with them in sacrament meeting. I think it's fair. 8:30 Wrangled up my children and headed home. I couldn't find my phone and searched the van and my diaper van. I tried to make it scream but it wouldn't work. It turns out I had left it home the whole time and it was in my at home spot. 9 pm made sure all kids were in bed and got on the internet. Checked my email, facebooked and then remembered I used to have a blog. Checked it out, realized I was a loser for not writing all year and got straight to work. You will notice that there was no cleaning mentioned in my day here. That was not a mistake. I now have some serious cleaning up to do. Hopefully I can get it done in 30 min. or less because I am tired.