I am always looking for different ways to motivate and discipline my children. I really want to find something that works really well. Over the years we've counted to three, offered trips to Chuck E. Cheese, threatened tv time, etc. So recently we decided to try a sticker reward system again. We were going to change it up a bit because my kids like different things now. Every time they get a sticker it equals one quarter. Don't worry, we're frugal with the giving out of stickers. They usually get one or two a day, and they could lose them with bad behavior. We chose quarters because my kids love the gumball machine at the grocery store. Koen is trying to save his up to buy something really cool. After a few weeks he's up to about $3. It has really really worked for Koen, he has totally started to have desires to help clean up and to stamp out arguments before they turn into fights. So I was proud that we found something that worked so well. I was telling a professional child psychologist friend of mine about our chart and how well it was working. She was very disappointed with it that the reward was money. She offered a few suggestions of other rewards that would work.
The thing is that everything I try is an experiment. I told somebody else who I think is wise about my experience with the professional and she told me that my friend might not know everything and that I just might know something about my kids that she doesn't. So back to the experiment. I know that it was working, especially with Koen, who is my most rambunctious (thanks for the word mom). So I really want to keep going with my current method but maybe I should listen to someone who is supposed to know what they are talking about. What do you guys think? Should I make some minor changes in the reward system or should I keep going until this stops working?
Feet
11 years ago
6 comments:
WHAT??????????????????????????????
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DON'T.LISTEN.TO.HER.
Have you *EVER* seen Nanny 911? Ok, she tells parents 3 main things.
1) Get Organized. this means your house and your schedules/routines.
2) Use discipline techniques that are both age-appropriate *AND* that will work.
3) Listen to what your children AREN'T saying to figure out what they are tying to tell you. in other words, WHY is he/she acting up?
Anyway, back to #2 - the Nanny ALWAYS uses a reward system. She states that this is THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY to discipline. She will use Marbles (you use stickers). and when the jar is full, there is a bigger prize (money, a family night out, a movie, etc.). Anyway - maybe she is no licensed therapist, but she is good enough to have her own show.
FURTHERMORE....... When I took Kadin to a child psychiatrist (sp) she told me to use a reward system. reward good behavior and place restrictions or take away rewards when not good. she encouraged me to do this for his homework too. she told me that she herself uses a "token" system for her own 2 boys and that when their token jars are full they get $20 or a gift card to their favorite store or something.
So - your friend or whatever - she may have 1 opinion. but i say the bigger picture is whether or not it works for you and for your children. AND if it works for the oldest, then good. because he will then set an example to the younger ones.
okay...stepping off soapbox now. [deep breaths].
Too bad children don't come with owner manuals stamped on their feet. The trick to parenting is to find out what works for your children. And remember each child is different. What works for one might not work on another.
Everyone has an opinion. But your children are your responsibility. You are the one that will be held accountable. So make those decisions for rearing that you are happy with.
Good Luck. Funny thing is that when they are adults all this will be a fond memory. And then they will be trying to figure out what works for their own children.
I don't understand why she was disappointed that the reward was money. As adults isn't that what motivates us? That's why we go to work. That's why we don't sluff work because then it is a loss of income.
I've been a part of reward systems as the schools I've worked at. We've used stickers, stamps, points, and pretend cash that the kids can then spend at the "store". We would get donations from other teachers for knick-knacks, we'd buy candy and treats.
Once you've found something that works, be consistent. It all comes down to consequences. When you do something good, you will get something good. When you do something bad, you will get something bad, or you will get something good taken away.
i think the money is totally fine. like puphi said, that's what motivates us. basically, you could give them something you choose, or you could give them money and let them choose. it's more exciting for them because they get to choose what to spend it on. with this system they have to work for the money, versus an allowance for doing nothing. get something for something, not something for nothing. my captcha is blesses
Nice captcha. Yeah, so that's another reason we liked the quarters like what Puphigirl said. We talked about that being the reason Dad goes to work so we can have money for our needs. We even talked about fines that people have to pay for breaking rules, like speeding tickets. Koen has totally changed since we started this system. He even comes and tells us if somebody is doing something wrong instead of fighting like he used to. I'm hoping the younger ones will follow his lead but if they don't we'll try a different method that might work better for them.
Your crazy, hippie ex-roomie is going to say that you should read Punished By Rewards. Good read. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is another good one. As is Playful Parenting.
It's about motivating your children intrinsically rather than making your children in to a bunch of praise-junky yes men.
Just some thoughts. So far, so good with my kids. They are strong, confident, kind and compassionate. And they all march to their own drummer.
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