Thursday, April 23, 2009

Do you love me?

Eades just asked me the question, "Do you love me?" a little bit ago. I told him yes. I asked if he thought I didn't. He said no, he just thought I was a nice mom and wanted to ask. It started me thinking though if I say it enough to my children. Dougan used to say "I love you" at least 15 times a day and would wait for the "I love you too" response. This worried me because he obviously felt the need to know that he was still loved. He has grown out of that phase, and now just gives a lot of hugs and kisses to get the reassurance that he still needs.
All of my children are different. Dougan demands the "I love you attention" and he gets it. Brandis is still so little that hugs and kisses are given and received plenty throughout the day. Eades still likes to get hugs and kisses and he snuggles up on my lap. He likes to hear and say "I love you" about once a day. This seems to be enough for him usually. Then I have Koen who needs the attention but he acts like he doesn't. He rarely wants to sit on my lap but he does like to hold my hand still. He will say I love you maybe once a week. I try to give him affection as much as he will allow. He's a lot like me. When I was a kid I didn't want any attention and I'm still like that. I know that he needs it though and I'm not ready to have my kids be uncomfortable getting hugs from me yet. I expect that to happen maybe in the teen years but I'm kind of hoping they'll always want hugs.
I have had some people comment on how my kids are so clingy to me. They love to crawl all over mom. I remember as a kid laying on my mom's side while she was laying down watching t.v. It seemed to be the most comfortable spot in the house. I always have a kid at my side, on my lap, or laying on me. I think they get enough physical attention. Koen could probably use a little more. But I don't think I'm saying the words enough. I know it wouldn't hurt if I turned it up a notch and tried to make a conscious effort of saying it more often throughout the day and especially when I have some one on one time with each kid. I've been really focusing on that lately too.
Well, that's it. I'm resolved to do it. My kids will know that they are good and loved if it's the last thing I do.


okeydokeyifine said...

As the saying goes, "if you love them, tell them"

Don't remember hearing it much as a kid do you? hahahahaha

No, I loved you guys, just didn't tell you enough. One of many many regrets

Ruthykins said...

i know i'm really uncomfortable saying it, so i have to force myself to. derek practically has to pry it out of me.

EmmaP said...

i didnt ever want to be oncomfortable saying the most comforting words ever. keenan still says, "i love you mom" when i drop him off at school. he better keep saying it too! i try to tell my kids all the time. i think it is important for all of their future relationships too. even when i lose my temper i find myself saying, "i love you, but right now you need to go to your room!" yes - i have raised my voice and said it. but i guess i never wanted them to think i was punishing them out of anything but love. at least i dont say, "this is gonna hurt me more than its gonna hurt you" crap.

Puphigirl said...

Are they clingy or just comfortable being physically close?

Sometimes I feel like I'm devoid of emotional expression. I have anger and humor down, but as far as love, sympathy...

It's hard for me to initiate hugs and "I love yous" with anybody but Kyle.