Friday, September 18, 2009

Self Loathing

I was talking to a friend today who is taking a class where they have to do cognitive thinking as an assignment. She was working it out on me with thoughts that I have. Basically she was telling me that I do way to much self down talking and that I need to stop that way of thinking. I agreed with everything that she said. As we went through some of the things that I might get down on myself about she showed me how to break it down. We went through what my first thought would be and then my next and how I could control what I think to have a different reaction.
Like I said, I know that this is some smart stuff to do. It is supposed to get you to think positively about yourself and to not rip yourself apart all the time. I don't think I am too self loathing, but then I asked what she learned about negative feelings not being ALL bad. I mean, for the most part I think I'm pretty happy with myself. Then something will happen and I'll take an outside look at myself and realize that I'm not doing everything I need to be doing. That is when I will feel like a bit of a failure and a loser. I said I actually like those times because that's when I see that I have so much more to improve on. I almost need those humbling times to become better. Otherwise I would just walk around thinking I'm all that.
It didn't turn into a debate or anything but she did understand what I meant. She agreed that it can be a good thing as long as you don't wallow in self pity because you're not pretty enough or strong enough, or whatever enough. That's true. I think that from time to time I need to evaluate who I am and what I'm doing. If I don't like it, then I need to make a change. I need to make sure that I don't label myself as lazy or ugly or something like that because that would just bring me down. So I'm glad we had that little conversation this morning. I realize that I don't always criticize myself but when I do I need to make sure I make it a positive thing and not something that could spiral into a self loathing depression.
I resolve that I will take the time to consider my feelings and analyze them to make sure I am helping myself. Who knows, maybe this will be the trick to help me be the person that I want to be and perhaps I can finally overcome some of those weaknesses that I have which I feel are holding me back.


Ruthykins said...

that's sounds like a good idea. that's something i think we could all use.

Puphigirl said...

I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And gosh darn it, people like me!

greenolive said...

that's right, puphigirl. They say positive self talk really works. I don't think I'll go as far as putting affirmations up in my mirror though.

Alice in Wonderland said...

Well, I think that you are doing such a great job the way that you are! We all have those moments of self-doubt, but we all get through them. It's good to take time out and re-value things from time to time though, but I think that you are great just the way that you are!
Big hugs!

EmmaP said...

i am in a communications class... and discussing this too! labeling, self-talk... yeah, it's all in there. i find that at times i feel really outgoing and smart and confident. then at other times i feel weak and insecure. sometimes it depends on who i am with or who is around me; a frame of reference. CS Lewis said, "What you see and what you hear depends a good deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are."